HungryForLife

Enough already!

This post is long overdue. Until this moment I was hesitant to write it and be authentic and vulnerable. I had eagerly anticipated our final bootcamp session at CrossFit on August 19^th. That evening we bootcamp ladies and our coaches met for drinks and appetizers each of us stylin’ and unrecognizable to the others out of our workout clothes. Prizes were awarded to participants who had worked their butts off (literally!) and the results spoke volumes.

Yes, I was happy for my classmates’ success but I was disappointed in myself. This is a repeat lesson for me.  I did my best but could have done better—my best wasn’t good enough. How did it become so ingrained in me not to celebrate my successes but to actually refuse to acknowledge their existence by beating myself up for an imagined expectation?

I wallowed for a week. Then I realized I was using unhappiness to motivate myself. To do what? Try harder or quit.  The way I felt it was more likely I’d give up. As I wrestled with that demon I had another ‘aha’ moment. I was wallowing and beating myself up not only because I was disappointed in myself but because I was back full circle at this lesson again.  I’d dealt with this not enough issue over and over why was it back? Because I had dealt with it, put it to bed, made peace with it in those other scenarios—not this one. Ahhh. Got it.

I wasn’t dealing with actually feeling not enough in this situation but what my feelings triggered when I first decided I was not enough. Oh, breakthroughs are incredibly freeing when they dazzle you with their shiny wisdom.  And I was buying into that belief again because I’d forgotten I had a choice.  With this awakening I chose a different way—no I don’t want to wallow in unhappiness, no I don’t like self-sabotaging myself, no I don’t want to quit, no I don’t want to live as though I am not enough.

I choose to let go of expectation and be in the now and celebrate where I am. A human ‘bean’ with human issues like feeling and believing I’m not enough when those unworthy feelings are triggered. I could also delve into what ‘enough’ means to me but for now it is enough to know I am enough. Let me say that again: I am enough. Just. As. I. Am.

Advanced Bootcamp begins next Monday and I will be there with my sneakers laced, my spirits high, and my expectations left…well I won’t leave them behind—I won’t give them life or breath to begin with.

Aha

I had an ‘aha’ moment this month. I realized that my life is really, really good.  The malaise I’ve felt since mom died has dissipated.  When I got myself out of my head and emotions by challenging my body I had to shift from grief to support this new focus and determination: it required me to take care of me. To eat healthy, get enough sleep, balance work and play. And I have done it consistently for almost four months. Moving my body has impacted every part of my life: work, relationships, mood, attention and focus, desire, activities, willingness to try new things. The list is endless. I feel good. I feel energized, motivated, and positive. I am happy. That was the moment—realizing that I’ll always miss her, and she’ll always be with me and I can still live my life and be happy. Huge, huge moment and I know she was right there experiencing my joy with me.

Push

Every time I go to CrossFit I go with an open mind. I don’t read the board with our daily workout on it and say, “No way!” Actually if we say something is too hard OR too easy we have to do extra burpees—so I’m mum!

I show up, I do my best and then something happens inside of me that makes me push beyond what I thought of as possible for my body. I’ve been considering what causes that push. Positive competition? Sure, I don’t always want to be last. But it’s more than that; I’m drawing on a physical and mental reserve that I wasn’t aware was available to me. How did I access it? I think it’s similar to what happens to me in times of crisis—i.e. when a loved one breaks a bone. I’m calm and do what needs to be done even though before that moment I could never have imagined me doing anything like that. Especially not calmly.

When I think I’m at the end of my energy, strength, or rope (literally) Coach Lindsay will say, “Come on Laura you can do it, one more rep!” Or one of my boot-camp buddies will ask, “How many more?” and I’ll gasp out ten and they’ll count down with me. And I do ten more sit-ups faster than I was doing them! Recently I was struggling through my last 100meter jog and Dana, who was finished, came back out to jog in with me, “You can do it, I’ll come with you!” Or Brin and I will catch each other’s eye during a tough part of the workout and grin and give a thumbs-up. Knowing that we’re all doing it together and giving it our all is a huge motivator.

Their belief in me boosts my belief in myself. Their belief in me inspires me to dig deeper, reach farther, and last longer. Their belief in me is a tremendous gift. Their belief in me makes me believe in me, too. Their belief in me is what fuels that push—and makes anything possible.
I’ve experienced repeatedly that we are all connected—we’re all in this (life) together. And whether we unite for a common cause of fitness, play, or business when we support and believe in one another’s goals and dreams we inspire a push beyond what one person alone can generate or create. We co-create an opportunity for possibility! Isn’t that an ingenious design!?

Happy co-creating with your clients, partners, co-workers, and exercise buddies. Here’s to possibility!
And a big shout out to my CF boot-camp buddies—we ROCK girlfriends!

CrossFit

A few weeks ago my daughter shared that she had found an exercise program she wanted to try. I asked her for the scoop. She said it was kinda intense and I may not like it. Now there’s a moment to savor: your child using child psychology on you to get you to do something you don’t want to do. LOL! She wasn’t pushy at all she suggested I look up CrossFit Pinnacle on Facebook and check out their website and mentioned there were lots of videos, too.

I only looked briefly and I didn’t watch the videos as I thought intense might discourage me from what I thought I was capable of. I really am considered a wuss in our family, no upper body strength so don’t pass me a tight jar lid, but I am handy to have around if you need something light off a high shelf. LOL! Here’s the thing—my kid was inviting me to do something with her to get us both fit and healthy. All of her friends thought she was crazy as CrossFit has a reputation: way too hard. This was not only a chance to spend time with her but for us to share our goals and be there to encourage each other when it was tough. Plus she believed I could do it. This was a no-brainer—I was in.

Here’s the portion of the website that resonated with me, and I was intrigued by a fitness program with these ideals:

To us, fitness is a state of mind, way of being. It shows up in the way you talk, walk, sleep, eat, work, play, dress and relax. It is the physical embodiment of the character traits of honor, courage, confidence, discipline, integrity, responsibility, dedication, and joy. It is also instrumental in reducing the immediate and cumulative effects of stress and anxiety. We’ve found that the fitter a person is, the more he/she is physically able to do the things that bring joy and fun to life – everything from feeling strong, confident and energetic through your normal work day, running around with your kids, being physically active and playing sports, to traveling to remote corners of the earth. Being physically fit is inspiring, feels good, enriches your life, and adds both years to your life, and life to your years. People that are fit seem to have a clearer, more optimistic view of life. For us, the bottom line is this: Fitness allows you to live your best.

Brin and I signed up for a women’s summer boot camp three mornings a week for three months. We survived completed week one yesterday. ;) Is it intense? Hell yes. Is it hard? OMG. Am I sore? LOL! On the flip side am I energized, amazed, and confident after a workout? Yup!

Here’s what I’ve learned about myself this week: when I decide to go for something I give it 110%, I don’t back down from a challenge, I like knowing someone’s got my back, I thrive on camaraderie and encouragement, my body can do waaaaay more than I believed, my thoughts limit me or set me free, I can do anything in sets of five! (Thanks LouBell & Nick!)

Have you ever placed physical, mental, or spiritual limitations on yourself? I definitely had due to my age; I’ll be 47 this month; my physical make-up as weaker than most people; I’ve also had an achy hip for the last year. I’ve thrown these stories about myself out the window, wanna join me!? I will take this challenge one day at a time, one set at a time, one burpee at a time! And I will finish stronger than I began.

 

 

 

 

 

...lost and found...

When I first created this blog in 2009 my intention was to chronicle my weight loss journey. I wanted to keep myself accountable and to inspire others to go for the dreams they thought were out of their reach. While I was mom’s caretaker for the past year I had more issues with food and exercise than I believed possible! Wasn’t I past emotional eating? Didn’t I kick that habit when I lost fifty pounds? Then why was a cramming potato chips into my mouth while watching a late night movie? Why was I eating the high fat foods that I prepared for her because she enjoyed them so much? And why was I blaming her for my eating choices!? These were questions I demanded answers to halfway through the year as the stress of my new lifestyle took its toll.

Yesterday I used my tracking journal to pull out my monthly weight since Nov 2009 when I weighed in at my lowest 140.5 I’d been hovering at 143 even though my Weight Watcher’s goal was 150 (for my height 5’10” the high end is 174). Mom moved in with us Thanksgiving 2009—barely three months later I weighed 145 and stayed within two pounds either side for the year. By January 2011 I was 150 and I weighed in today at 152. Now don’t think I’m obsessed with the scale it’s a tool not a God. But I had avoided the scale because I didn’t want to know—I didn’t want to feel as though I’d failed. I do know. My clothes are tight, and I feel sluggish and less energetic and those ten to twelve pounds are heavy and bogging me down—physically and emotionally. I felt way better at 145 but I felt awesome at 140 and will shoot for releasing the first five and then set another goal for releasing the next five. My coach reminded me to use intentional language like releasing because when I say I’ve lost a certain number of pounds I may find them again!

I’ve been choosing comfort foods which mean carbs and sugar. (sigh) When we’ve eaten out I’ve ordered fried foods (gasp!) and slathered real mayonnaise on my sandwich and then asked for dessert. When I’m active and exercising regularly at a calorie burning level I wouldn’t think twice about splurging on a couple of meals each month to treat myself. But when it becomes weekly and then daily it slid into a habit or a crutch. I was using those late night cookies to numb myself or console myself, or even punish myself but yanno it doesn’t really help, or at least not for long. Grief is a process. It takes as long as it takes. I won’t find ‘I feel good about me’ at the bottom of a bag or box of anything!

I’ve decided I can grieve and walk; grieve and laugh; grieve and eat healthy; grieve and love; grieve and release fat; grieve and live…until I’m done. For me grieving is about letting go—not simply the past or what could have been but my regrets, guilt, sadness, loss, and I’m ready. I’m ready to choose love and happiness. I’m ready to let go of all the things that are weighing me down and float into my future self as gently as a wind blown kiss.

The Stress Slide

I started gung ho with Health Coach Team this month: my goal to loose these final five pounds, increase my strength and muscle tone. First week I gained. Second week I lost what I gained. Third week I lost a half-pound. When I strained my hip I really felt down and I had to take a few days off from exercise to rest it. So there was no surprise in my fourth week I found what I’d lost! There is a powerful difference between these two mindsets of finding and losing instead of releasing—I’m ready to let it go forever!

Here’s what happened: stress. During my weight loss journey my life was fairly smooth sailing even last year when Jeff was laid off I didn’t panic, I knew we’d be okay and saw it as an opportunity. When we moved mom into our home in November I had no idea what it was like to be a full time caregiver. OMG! I stress over everything, and when I’m not stressing I feel guilty—there are so many emotions at play in caring for an ailing parent. When I added the limitations and worry about my hip I hit overwhelm.

Once the stress took over I slid out of my healthy habits and right back into eating emotionally and starting the vicious cycle of feeling overwhelmed, sad, tired, depressed and eating to feel better. But I didn’t feel better I felt worse….so I’d eat some more and feel lower than low. And then I stopped all my exercise routines because what’s the point I’m pitiful. You get the picture! 

The key to stopping this cycle? Awareness. I saw what I was doing and knew what I needed to do. I simply had to decide using stress as an excuse was no longer serving me. Yes, it let me have a pity party but it didn’t solve my challenges, it only compounded them! As long as I am looking at my life from these perspectives: ‘I don’t deserve this’ ‘It’s not fair’ ‘Poor me,’ then that leads to unhealthy choices. When I shift into gratitude and how blessed my life is I am empowered to make choices that support my aliveness and give me the energy to face those challenges with possibility instead of negativity.

This   week I have shifted and I feel happy about my choices, my productivity, and the balance I’ve created between work and play. I’m content in roles I’ve chosen as wife, mom, daughter, partner, caretaker and friend. My mantra: I release all stress in my life along with any excess weight on my body.

Please share any practices you use to manage or avoid stress. I know I need all the help I can get! 

The Right to Bare Arms

 
 

I am always thrilled to receive an Amazon delivery box on my doorstep—especially one I didn’t order! ;) Sharon you are always so wise and thoughtful and right on in your gift giving, thank you.  Sharon sent me Six Weeks to Sleeveless and Sexy by JJ Virgin. 

Here’s the JJ Virgin Arms Treaty and my intention for my not just reading but doing this book:     

We hereby resolve to:

• Abolish forever this phrase from your vocabulary: Do my arms look fat?
• Stop the madness of wearing cashmere shrugs over sundresses when it’s 98 degrees outside.
• Drop the sneaky way you slink into the background of family pictures so your arms don’t look bigger than those of the guys in the photo.
• End all the excuses you have for not going to the beach because there is no Spandex for arms.
• Put to rest your resentment of famous actresses with toned arms. In other words, don’t be a toned-arm hater.
• Stop staring at your little three pound baby hand weights and wondering why a thousand biceps curls seem to do absolutely nothing.
• Be a part of a movement where women know they have the right to bare arms and bare them proudly in the sunlight and in the moonlight, thus allowing fresh air to touch skin that hasn’t been uncovered or felt a breeze in years.

I’ve pulled my hand weights out from under the bed and dusted them off; set up the rowing machine where I will trip over it; and even taken my before arm photos to compare to the after pix I’ll take at the end of summer and dare to share.  Let’s go gals—we have the right to bare arms!

Planet Fitness

I am resistant to change. So what else is new—I’m a human ‘bean’ as SARK would say! After two years of working out and losing weight with the help of our local YMCA I was not open to the thought of attending another gym. But my budget couldn’t stretch to accommodate the Y anymore and I wasn’t using any of the amenities like classes, daycare or the pool.    

Internally I made the shift to be open to change before I was even aware and as soon as I did that people in my life told me about Planet Fitness—three people actually over a period of a month. Synchronicity? The Law of Attraction? The Universe tapping me on the shoulder? Yes, yes, and yes. They mentioned how inexpensive it was and how non gym-like it was. My inner critic warned me not to fall for it, ha a gym that’s non gym-like. As in the people there are not walking around showing off perfectly formed abs and quads? Sure.

Despite my critic I went to take a look. I was greeted by a young woman who was attentive, but not pushy, and was fine with me walking around and looking. It was a busy morning and although there were lots of people working out there were still plenty of machines and space. The facility was particularly clean, the layout inviting and mostly...they had me at PURPLE! Counters, walls, and many of the machines are purple which is a power color for me—it energizes and inspires me. A huge arrow inside the front door asks you to: Leave your egos here! The vibes felt right and although I did see several perfectly toned bodies I didn’t get the swagger feeling from these folks and there were definitely more normal looking bodies like mine.

Planet Fitness operates as franchise opportunities and this location is owned and operated locally and that appealed to me. Once I read their mission statement, a giant purple and yellow sign over customer service, I was willing to commit to ten bucks a month and have shifted easily into my biweekly visits:

We at Planet Fitness are here to provide a unique environment in which anyone – and we mean anyone – can be comfortable. A diverse, Judgement Free Zone® where a lasting, active lifestyle can be built. Our product is a tool, a means to an end; not a brand name or a mold-maker, but a tool that can be used by anyone. In the end, it’s all about you. As we evolve and educate ourselves, we will seek to perfect this safe, energetic environment, where everyone feels accepted and respected. We are not here to kiss your butt, only to kick it if that’s what you need. We need you, because face it, our planet wouldn’t be the same without you. You belong!

My New Health Coach

I participated in a Considerably Huge telesummit series of free coaching calls over the past three months. In April Debbie Schroeder and her partner, Lynn Smith, from Health Coach Team spoke about feeling your best to achieve your best and gave some great tips and information for weight loss, fitness, and self care. 

Under stress I’ve realized I have been taking infinitesimal steps back into my old habits of eating emotionally, sitting instead of moving, sleeping but not feeling rested, making unhealthy food choices. You get the picture?  I’ve gained three pounds so far this year and I realize that may not sound like much but that’s exactly how we gain weight; so slowly that we don’t notice until it’s ten pounds or more!

It’s a red flag that I’ve slipped in my support systems and need to put good habits back in place. Enter Debbie and Health Coach Team, we had a discovery call so we could connect and I could share my progress so far along with the challenges I’m currently facing. Debbie and I hit it off and I have signed up for three months of web-based coaching with one phone call per month. Health Coach Teams coaching agreement states: The coach’s role is to accelerate the client’s progress by providing greater focus, awareness of choice and accountability.

Here are my goals for the summer; I’m saying them in print as a demonstration of my commitment to reaching the next level of fitness for myself:

•    Lose the final ‘five’ pounds
•    Participate in a Walk/Run (crawl) challenge locally
•    Practice strength training that I will embrace/enjoy
•    Trust myself to become strong and fit

What do you do when a red flag is raised? What helps you get back on track with your fitness and health?

Me an employee?

I’ve taken a part time J-O-B.

Don’t panic it’s a positive move for me and it’s not replacing my being a business owner. I wanted to make a bigger commitment to give back and inspire others to lose weight. It’s a company I believe in. I am now a trained receptionist for Weight Watchers and if you are a member who visits the Six Gun or Heathbrook Plaza meeting locations in Ocala, FL on a Friday or Saturday morning, you may be lucky enough to have me greet you and weigh you in! ;-)

I’ve enjoyed the face-to-face interaction and laugh often with members and co-workers. I set my terms for becoming an employee and gave an availability that would work for me without overpromising myself—which is a direct result of having high standards in my practice and knowing my value. Employee is a new hat I’ve donned on my journey and my intention is to connect with and motivate women to live their best lives now! 

If you do stop by a meeting I’m working you might overhear me talking up the Weight Watchers Walk It Challenge on June 6th. Come out and walk three miles with us—or find an event near you.

Didya know Jennifer Hudson is our new spokesperson; doesn't she look FAB!?

 Just sayin’!