HungryForLife

The City

One of the highlights of our road trip was an event Antonette planned (Thanks A!) for us to attend with her nieces, my awesome pen pals! We took the metro train into Washington DC and met her mom (who used to work with me as well and is a dear friend) and went to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History.

It was a Saturday so the trains and city were bustling and for this little country hayseed there were oodles of people. I gaggled like a tourist—people watching is one of my favorite activities! The diversity, energy, laughter, and camaraderie abounded and simply being in our capitol is energizing and inspiring.

Of course we had to see the Hope Diamond first, it’s a must stop and has recently been reworked into a new setting ( A & I agreed we kinda preferred the old one, more simple) it’s alotta bling and the history is fascinating.

 Next stop the Butterfly Exhibit where taller niece, Moni, and I went in to see them up close and personal. It was hot inside their habitat and though none of them ever landed on us they were gorgeous to watch flutter by, and I got a few good pix. Moni was excellent at identifying them via the picture charts, she’s a budding scientist.

Antonette had visited the museum the previous week with one of her nieces and her mom and they were so wowed they wanted to bring us back to see the Hyperbolic Crochet Coral Reef exhibit. The entire coral reef is made up of crocheted pieces of yarn. Yup, you read that right, it’s a giant wooly mammoth of a display to replicate an underwater reef. Okay so it doesn’t sound breathtaking, it sounds kinda out there, but wait till you see photos and watch this video on the inspiration for the reef:

This project is about science, creativity, collaboration, conservation, education it covers every aspect to engage and empower people!

And take a look at these colorful pix that Jeff shot:

 

 

 

Then peek at the online photos to see if you’re moved to visit the exhibit in person or find out how you can contribute a piece of your crocheting to a satellite reef!

(I don’t crochet but I was inspired to take up knitting again in Maine with my friend Jaime and her daughter Kim. I’m still fumble fingered and lack confidence in my ability but I’m knit-pearling-away and enjoy the Zen of the moment. I find it meditative almost—yet my hands are busy and focused—it helps keep me in the now.)

We worked up an appetite at the museum and were ready for lunch at the city's famous Ben's Chili Bowl! We didn't get relief from standing right away as the line outside snaked inside and wrapped up and down the narrow restaraunt. The atmosphere was lively and jumping and guess who met us there? My dear friend and past client Honoré! Thanks for joining us Honoré for a most memorable lunch in THE city! Here's pix she took of me, A, and Jeff waiting in line:

...lost and found...

When I first created this blog in 2009 my intention was to chronicle my weight loss journey. I wanted to keep myself accountable and to inspire others to go for the dreams they thought were out of their reach. While I was mom’s caretaker for the past year I had more issues with food and exercise than I believed possible! Wasn’t I past emotional eating? Didn’t I kick that habit when I lost fifty pounds? Then why was a cramming potato chips into my mouth while watching a late night movie? Why was I eating the high fat foods that I prepared for her because she enjoyed them so much? And why was I blaming her for my eating choices!? These were questions I demanded answers to halfway through the year as the stress of my new lifestyle took its toll.

Yesterday I used my tracking journal to pull out my monthly weight since Nov 2009 when I weighed in at my lowest 140.5 I’d been hovering at 143 even though my Weight Watcher’s goal was 150 (for my height 5’10” the high end is 174). Mom moved in with us Thanksgiving 2009—barely three months later I weighed 145 and stayed within two pounds either side for the year. By January 2011 I was 150 and I weighed in today at 152. Now don’t think I’m obsessed with the scale it’s a tool not a God. But I had avoided the scale because I didn’t want to know—I didn’t want to feel as though I’d failed. I do know. My clothes are tight, and I feel sluggish and less energetic and those ten to twelve pounds are heavy and bogging me down—physically and emotionally. I felt way better at 145 but I felt awesome at 140 and will shoot for releasing the first five and then set another goal for releasing the next five. My coach reminded me to use intentional language like releasing because when I say I’ve lost a certain number of pounds I may find them again!

I’ve been choosing comfort foods which mean carbs and sugar. (sigh) When we’ve eaten out I’ve ordered fried foods (gasp!) and slathered real mayonnaise on my sandwich and then asked for dessert. When I’m active and exercising regularly at a calorie burning level I wouldn’t think twice about splurging on a couple of meals each month to treat myself. But when it becomes weekly and then daily it slid into a habit or a crutch. I was using those late night cookies to numb myself or console myself, or even punish myself but yanno it doesn’t really help, or at least not for long. Grief is a process. It takes as long as it takes. I won’t find ‘I feel good about me’ at the bottom of a bag or box of anything!

I’ve decided I can grieve and walk; grieve and laugh; grieve and eat healthy; grieve and love; grieve and release fat; grieve and live…until I’m done. For me grieving is about letting go—not simply the past or what could have been but my regrets, guilt, sadness, loss, and I’m ready. I’m ready to choose love and happiness. I’m ready to let go of all the things that are weighing me down and float into my future self as gently as a wind blown kiss.

Berries from Beatrice

This sweet surprise was awaiting me when I returned home yesterday!

 

After only a slight hesitation I did indeeed share with my family!

 

The box was C-O-L-D which made it interesting and the side of the box reads "Perishable. Once opened, contents may disappear immediately." And the instructions are priceless:

Bea you are the dearest friend and I treasure you and your thoughtfullness. Thank you!

The strawberries are scrumptious—I will keep Sharis Berries at the top of my gift list.

Dear reader, are there any sweet surprises in your life this holiday season?

 

Lunch Love

My virtual assistant community AssistU recently asked this fun question in their monthly survey: what do you do for lunch time in your business There were interesting options like: too busy I skip it or eat at my desk, to go for a walk or other exercise.

Since becoming my moms caretaker a year ago I’ve reestablished the importance of self care in my life, often it’s the first thing to go when life gets challenging and yet the most important thing to keep in place when life gets challenging.

Before my mom and husband were home with me all day my lunchtimes were a mix of a yummy nutritious meal eaten away from my desk, often followed by a walk outside and then a good long read with a current novel. Those types of self care don’t really work for me in the middle of the day anymore. But I have learned a huge success secret to being a longtime caregiver: ask for help and accept it graciously.

I shared in the lunchtime survey that I let my dear hubby know that one of the ways he could help me would be to make my lunch. I always make mom’s meal first and then mine and sometimes I don’t take the time to make the best choice for me because I’m over hungry or rushing to get back to my desk or get us out the door.

Dear hubby that he is he has embraced this request even though he already cooks dinner for us most nights--he’s a much better cook than I am. He makes me a delicious salad each day and doesn’t even comment (much) on my eccentricities and preferences of pretty plate and particular fork. These small acts of love and support add up to a huge equation in my book: he’s there for me and I am incredibly grateful. A picture’s worth a thousand words so here’s the lunch Jeff made for me last week:

Lunch Love

 

 

The Island Of Blame

I’ve been stranded   on this desert island for weeks. Blaming everyone else for me being here. Actually one person in particular: my mom. I’m on this infinitesimal speck of rock floating in a sea of despair and it’s not my fault. The island of blame has no resources for the deluded—it only echoes back to me my cold lonely question, why me? The pity party is not actually a party at all; this is a reference made by those not in denial about those of us who are. The pity pit is more like it. A hole I continuously fall into, a slippery slope that I slide on to the island of blame. Deep sigh.

My health coaches at HealthCoachTeam gave our group a worksheet called a belief transformation tool and I used it successfully to work through a belief I wanted to transform: comfort foods make me feel good. HA! I blew that one sky high. On our coaching call Debbie and Lynn stressed that the tool could be used with any belief. Okay how about: It’s mom’s fault that she’s ill and negative and unhappy. Ouch. Therefore it’s her fault that my life has been turned upside down and I am negative and unhappy. Double ouch.

There it is in black and white: the island of blame. And I’m not a tourist here dear reader I’m a freakin’ resident! I wrote out the worksheet answers and reduced my rating for strength of belief from a 10+ to a 7-8. Progress was made. Then I turned to my journal and wrote for pages finding release and forgiveness in the simple act of putting pen to paper. I let go once again of the practice of being right instead of loving. I will embrace this lesson until it is a part of me. My sticking point was that I believed I didn’t know how to forgive…my wise self answered: let go; choose love—that is forgiveness.

From this miraculous place of shift I came home to greet mom and share her morning and then settle at the computer to view a YouTube video (thanks Anastacia) that had been on my to-do list all week. I had resisted anything that might make me feel better. :::smile:::  (I’ll wait while you go take a peek—you’ll thank me for it afterwards.)

This twenty-minute talk by Hedy Schleifer was the Universe talking to me. Me. Personally. From her mouth to my heart: Cross the bridge. Take responsibility for the sacred space of relationship. Listen. With an open heart. Listen as if you’re learning a new language. It takes courage to be connected. Hedy crossed the bridge of Alzheimer’s to join her mother in her mother’s world and was recognized by her mother as “my daughter” (in Yiddish).

From the island of blame I could only attempt to connect with mom logically, it was safer there. I had to take the plunge into rough waters and swim with all my heart to know that safety is an illusion and give it up for being connected heart-to-heart by crossing the bridge. 

Hedy shares this quote by Rumi~

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.

I will mom. I will.

The Stress Slide

I started gung ho with Health Coach Team this month: my goal to loose these final five pounds, increase my strength and muscle tone. First week I gained. Second week I lost what I gained. Third week I lost a half-pound. When I strained my hip I really felt down and I had to take a few days off from exercise to rest it. So there was no surprise in my fourth week I found what I’d lost! There is a powerful difference between these two mindsets of finding and losing instead of releasing—I’m ready to let it go forever!

Here’s what happened: stress. During my weight loss journey my life was fairly smooth sailing even last year when Jeff was laid off I didn’t panic, I knew we’d be okay and saw it as an opportunity. When we moved mom into our home in November I had no idea what it was like to be a full time caregiver. OMG! I stress over everything, and when I’m not stressing I feel guilty—there are so many emotions at play in caring for an ailing parent. When I added the limitations and worry about my hip I hit overwhelm.

Once the stress took over I slid out of my healthy habits and right back into eating emotionally and starting the vicious cycle of feeling overwhelmed, sad, tired, depressed and eating to feel better. But I didn’t feel better I felt worse….so I’d eat some more and feel lower than low. And then I stopped all my exercise routines because what’s the point I’m pitiful. You get the picture! 

The key to stopping this cycle? Awareness. I saw what I was doing and knew what I needed to do. I simply had to decide using stress as an excuse was no longer serving me. Yes, it let me have a pity party but it didn’t solve my challenges, it only compounded them! As long as I am looking at my life from these perspectives: ‘I don’t deserve this’ ‘It’s not fair’ ‘Poor me,’ then that leads to unhealthy choices. When I shift into gratitude and how blessed my life is I am empowered to make choices that support my aliveness and give me the energy to face those challenges with possibility instead of negativity.

This   week I have shifted and I feel happy about my choices, my productivity, and the balance I’ve created between work and play. I’m content in roles I’ve chosen as wife, mom, daughter, partner, caretaker and friend. My mantra: I release all stress in my life along with any excess weight on my body.

Please share any practices you use to manage or avoid stress. I know I need all the help I can get! 

Unplugged

For my birthday I asked my hubby for a computer free day. Daily he’s either writing a novel in Word,  playing an online game called Torn City, (or Mahjong) surfing the net for really unusual stories and trivia, but he does always share new I Can Has Cheezburger photos he comes across, he occasionally even does research for me but it’s lower on the priority list--and I’m the one who works virtually! Surprisingly he agreed without too much resistance--it was my day I could have a “yes dear” day. Defined as: I ask him to do something and his response every time is, “Yes Dear.” Brave ain’t he!?

My work was caught up I knew I’d miss a few emails and reading FaceBook but I wasn’t jonesin’ to get my hands on the keyboard. It felt freeing to not have to check in or surf the net for a piece of information. It was truly a day off. It was constantly in my face how much we depend on the Internet for everything, if we wanted to look up a director or movie star, check out a new restaurant, look at my calendar, add a note to my to-do list; I caved in when we needed show times at the theatre. While I was getting ready I took pity gave him a free pass to play his game. What would we do without it? Imagine for a second how would you work, play, communicate for a day without the Internet? For a week? Didya panic at those words?

We went out to breakfast, shopped at Target and were gone till 11am when we went home and had a junk food snackfest while we watched the Abyss. We were so carbed out after that we read for a while and then napped. It doesn’t sound like much but without the computers between us we were more connected and relaxed—we talked and laughed even more than usual and held hands during the movie. Don’t tell him I said that: he has an image to uphold. We weren’t distracted and only half listening to each other. We were present and it was a special gift.

How do you and your family unplug? Or do you? When Brin visits we joke that she only comes to connect with the computer (she doesn’t have one) not really with us—we’re a byproduct of her techno fix. To tell her the computers were off for the day, ha she’d snort and go home. ;) I want to propose that we agree on one day every week to unplug and connect with each other. Yup the entire day. Anyone up for the challenge? Or if you have this practice in place please share how it works for you and yours and what your experience has been of being unplugged. Till then happy connecting…

My New Health Coach

I participated in a Considerably Huge telesummit series of free coaching calls over the past three months. In April Debbie Schroeder and her partner, Lynn Smith, from Health Coach Team spoke about feeling your best to achieve your best and gave some great tips and information for weight loss, fitness, and self care. 

Under stress I’ve realized I have been taking infinitesimal steps back into my old habits of eating emotionally, sitting instead of moving, sleeping but not feeling rested, making unhealthy food choices. You get the picture?  I’ve gained three pounds so far this year and I realize that may not sound like much but that’s exactly how we gain weight; so slowly that we don’t notice until it’s ten pounds or more!

It’s a red flag that I’ve slipped in my support systems and need to put good habits back in place. Enter Debbie and Health Coach Team, we had a discovery call so we could connect and I could share my progress so far along with the challenges I’m currently facing. Debbie and I hit it off and I have signed up for three months of web-based coaching with one phone call per month. Health Coach Teams coaching agreement states: The coach’s role is to accelerate the client’s progress by providing greater focus, awareness of choice and accountability.

Here are my goals for the summer; I’m saying them in print as a demonstration of my commitment to reaching the next level of fitness for myself:

•    Lose the final ‘five’ pounds
•    Participate in a Walk/Run (crawl) challenge locally
•    Practice strength training that I will embrace/enjoy
•    Trust myself to become strong and fit

What do you do when a red flag is raised? What helps you get back on track with your fitness and health?

Me an employee?

I’ve taken a part time J-O-B.

Don’t panic it’s a positive move for me and it’s not replacing my being a business owner. I wanted to make a bigger commitment to give back and inspire others to lose weight. It’s a company I believe in. I am now a trained receptionist for Weight Watchers and if you are a member who visits the Six Gun or Heathbrook Plaza meeting locations in Ocala, FL on a Friday or Saturday morning, you may be lucky enough to have me greet you and weigh you in! ;-)

I’ve enjoyed the face-to-face interaction and laugh often with members and co-workers. I set my terms for becoming an employee and gave an availability that would work for me without overpromising myself—which is a direct result of having high standards in my practice and knowing my value. Employee is a new hat I’ve donned on my journey and my intention is to connect with and motivate women to live their best lives now! 

If you do stop by a meeting I’m working you might overhear me talking up the Weight Watchers Walk It Challenge on June 6th. Come out and walk three miles with us—or find an event near you.

Didya know Jennifer Hudson is our new spokesperson; doesn't she look FAB!?

 Just sayin’!

Journals, Chickens, and Zack

Thanks for the loving support and ideas for what to do with my journals. I saved all of my childhood books, and those written for and about my daughter. Then I started with the tough years: the ones with pain and drama that I was definitely ready to let go of. I shredded and waited. Oh there was no regret! I immediately felt released from those bonds and ties of the past. I am complete with what happened in my past, the choices I made, who I used to be. It felt good so I kept shredding! I read a few entries here and there I picked and chose a good sampling of years to keep and filled one crate. I kept many of my smaller gratitude journals as they give a good quick look at what my day/life was like at the time. Huge task complete and it only took a couple hours!

I’ve located a source for organic produce shipped in via a co-op from local farmers and have ordered a free roaming, antibiotic, and hormone-free chicken. They are slaughtered locally (in PA) not at a processing plant—may not be any more humane, what are your thoughts? I’ll let you know what it’s like to eat meat after this whole month; mostly I haven’t missed it.

My daughter (who thinks I’m crazy by the way!) found me this excellent website to locate healthy humanely raised chickens: Just Bare Chicken. Packages of meat have a traceable code so you can track which farm your chicken came from. Unfortunately there are no local distributors for my area but I’m working on that! Their mission:

To provide natural, healthy chicken like nature intended. Unadulterated. Unadorned. Just delicious. With a straightforward, honest commitment to respecting our people, animals and planet.

Our nephew Zack is home with his family! He has a long road of recovery ahead of him and is not ready to see family and friends yet but we think of him and send Zack, his mom Sue, dad Sonny, and brothers JP and Matt all of our love and blessings. I hope you’ll send some love and healing thoughts/prayers Zack’s way.